Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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