He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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