I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
