I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
