CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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