did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
