I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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