Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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