Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Still dying that you shit outside
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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