First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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