They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
