I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The uberlube is also flammable
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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