i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize