We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize