I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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