well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
