There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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