Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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