Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
