Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
