It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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