I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
