The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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