It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
