I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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