I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
