my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
