Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
