we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
honey bunches of taint.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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