I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
