Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
