Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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