Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
