i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
