ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
