oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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