i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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