Umm I'm too high to move.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
