I must be too annoying 4 u.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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