I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
