my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
