..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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