New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
