you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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