Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
