Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
