It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
