Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
