So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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