After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
