i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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