roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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