Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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