Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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