ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
