good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and she was petting her beer can
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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