Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
