i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
