I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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