but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
