Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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