swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
