I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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