oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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