you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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