yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
