I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
