Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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